Snippets

Here it is! This is the first Fulbright Experience Vlog.

Enjoy! As always remember to follow me on instagram and twitter for more!

So...get ready to see more tired bus pictures. TOMORROW the Fulbright Vlogging starts. 

Well after working so hard on a scholarship application  I have realized that even if you put in the minimal effort into something you get slapped in the face only to realize that it really wasn't worth fighting for.

Maybe because of it I've been having one of the most awful years. Especially this past month, and it seems that every month I say that. I had an emotional breakdown or even panic attack one night. I was snappy and angry with everyone. Plus, family problems and work related issues seemed to affect me. I couldn't deal with all the pressure and it was really starting to affect me. I would even come home and though I knew I had to work on this I would put it off because I would just get so uptight and angry. That's definitely not a way to go about things.

This was one scholarship I wanted and thought I could get but everyday there was a new surprise. One more document that I didn't have and couldn't get. But, once I admitted defeat everything seemed clearer. I just knew I didn't have what I needed this year to get it. I didn't want to turn in something I wasn't happy with. Perhaps that's a huge mistake, but I know, in my heart, it was the correct thing to do.

Now, after pushing everything having to do with that particular scholarship aside I have gained some perspective and not everything is lost.

First of all....I have a kick ass essay that I can use for other scholarships. I still have two this spring, and one coming up at the end of the year. All of these I know I am better suited for. I am really happy with the work and with the plan I have to offer. This helped me get into the mind set I want before I start my program. I not only did more research but I kept an ear out for more information. I started reading more work and even came into contact with a few peers. Specifically one writer who I hope to collaborate with the future. Now, if I could only have more Mexican contacts that would be wonderful.

I realize that I need to plan, read instructions, and manage stress in a healthier way. It helps to have friends, hobbies, and an attentive ear but I also can't dump my issues on them.

So basically, the lessons learned from this experience are these

1. Do not take people or things for granted
2. Plan ahead in order to have time for everything but know that it does not mean you can procrastinate
3. Chill but don't hide from your problems by burrowing yourself in lives of fictional characters. 
4. Go with your gut. If something does not feel right to you then don't do it. Trust yourself. 
5. Own your mistakes and your decisions. Things will sort themselves out. 
6. Do not excuse your behavior

The feeling of not doing something because of irrational fear is totally different from not doing something because you do not feel its right for you. Sure, doing scary things is fantastic! It takes you out of your comfort zone. But, that's not what I am talking about here. I'm talking bout those moments when you know in your heart that its not right and even though you go through with it you realize that you've been making excuses all along because you just can't take the responsibility of making your own decisions.

Finally, I realized that I overthink things and I am overdramatic as a result. I found myself thinking of a thousand ways something was just not going to turn out right. I got called out on being negative about every situation. I knew then that I had a problem. I am usually pretty positive human.

So, last night I went out with friends. We talked, a lot. I found myself talking about everything that's to come and how excited I am to start fresh, again. I realized I have nothing to be scared about. I should be worried but not so much that it'll consume me. Not so much that it makes me lose perspective.

I need to remember ahimsa on a daily basis so that I don't forget to take things as they come and that if I try and do everything at once I'll not only hurt myself but those around me.

Lesson learned friends.

So today I finally got my Fulbright Gateway Program date. I'll be at UC-San Diego from Aug 11th to the 15th, then from there I'll probably go straight to American University in DC.  I just realized this will be a cross country trip...oh my.

I'm not quite sure what to expect from the Gateway Program but it just seems like a wonderful networking activity for all the Fulbright Scholars and a nice intro to the next two years. There's probably a free t-shirt in there somewhere...

So for now I still have a few scholarships to work on but that'll be over in a couple weeks. After that I will quit my job! Then start planning some summer travel in Mexico and then my whole trip/transition to DC.

I've decided that I will incorporate a vlog starting at my Fulbright Orientation in July. This will be uploaded through my YouTube channel so you guys can see what I am up to and meet all the wonderful people that come across this journey. Of course I'll also be posting on this blog.

I am happy  that things are shaping up, of course not without its bumps.

In the midst of all of this scholarship application business I have tried to make sometime for some "me" time. I realized that since all the chaos started in January I gradually started losing my commitment with weightloss, a healthy lifestyle, and well...myself. And in the need for some balance I decided I needed to take some time to do this for myself.

Photo by @anasbarros or @gui_ on Instagram. Follow them!!!

I've restarted Zumba and Yoga. YouTube has been the most helpful tool EVER! Go YT! I follow Yoga with Adriene and Bad Yogi for my yoga practice. Both woman are insanely motivational and down to earth. I love that Adriene's motto is "do what feels good". It especially helps on those days when I stumble through a simple flow. For Zumba I don't particularly follow anyone. I just look for full length classes and find something that fits my mood. I find that even if I don't like the initial routine I end up getting into the groove of the class. If I absolutely cannot then I just switch to another video.

I've also started doing more everyday make up. Ever since I started this "office" job as a graphic designer I felt like I needed to spruce up my look. I still only use a few products but I after watching Tanya Burr, Zoella, Alli Trippy, and various others on YouTube I realized I was using the products in the wrong way. Well maybe not completely but I can now do a lot more with the same things. I've learned new techniques and I've picked up a few things on skin care. Maybe I'll do a post on this at some point.

Ha! I never thought I'd like make up...on me! I've always wanted to be a makeup artist. Ever since I discovered the Benefit counter at Marshall Fields way back in the day. Still I don't feel like I've lost any integrity. I dunno...

Not everything is always happy, exciting, or fun whilst trying to start an MFA. Though I'm over the biggest hurdle (getting accepted) there are still many things left in the process. Honestly I feel like I am at the worst point right now but I am trying my best to keep things in perspective and just going with the flow.

It seems that for the past five months I've done nothing but write various versions of personal statement, proposed thesis, motivations for study. These essays at some point, just start to sound the same and they get all jumbled in my head. Partly because I am frustrated to write yet another essay on the same topic and not be able to start working on these projects. I just want to start. It also doesn't help that I left my camera at my parents home this past year. I didn't want to risk losing or harming the equipment while I lived in Querétaro. I thought that my current job would motivate and keep me busy enough to not miss it. The reality is that I miss my hands on the camera. On the plus side, I now have my external hard drive full of photos that I have not uploaded or worked on. Hopefully after all this is over I'll have some time before July to work on them.

Why so many essays? Well I have been applying for extra funding. I have applied to the Jumex scholarship and am in the process of applying to FONCA-CONACYT (Fondo Nacional para la Cultura y las Artes) AND SEP (Secretaría de Educación Pública), both from the Mexican government. I actually don't know if I should apply to FONCA this year. I feel a little unprepared. Well, no not uprepared, I just feel like my submission will be stronger next year in terms of what they ask for. Then again, I should just try this year, I can always re-apply. No harm, no foul.

There's still so much left in the process on the road to an MFA. I still have to get my J1 Visa, find housing, furnish said housing option, move to DC, find airfare and tickets to DC, quit my current job, move out, and pack. On the Fulbright end of the spectrum there's still the Orientación de Despedida at COMEXUS and the Fulbright Gateway Program. Those are two things I am very excited for! Anyway, all of this before July 11th/a month and a half-ish. Can you see why I am freaking out?

How I wish I had a million dollars. The next step in the graduate school process was determining the best fit in terms of finances. To wich, at this point, I have nothing. I'm not bankrupt but I half jokingly state that my net worth is $0. Half jokingly.

Because of this I had to decline acceptance into USC. I waited for a scholarship from the department and even begged for a TA position, but nothing came up. Without their help I still had to come up with around 10G for the year, for two years and figure out how to pay 33+G for tuition only for my third year. This came to a total of 50G for three years plus living expenses. Basically...too much money I do not have.

As for Miami and SCAD, I still haven't heard back and American University graciously extended my deadline to April 30th. Unfortunately, without scholarships from either school, I will not be able to attend.

American University did offer a Merit Scholarship and a TA position. This definitely helps! I only have to put in about 2G a year for two years. Though, I may extend it to three years in order to get an MFA, but one step at a time.

Even after all of this I still had to spend a lot of time calculating costs. At one point it felt like studying for the GRE again. But, if anything, for all those of you who are going through the process, I leave you with these tips, financially speaking.

1. Spend a lot of time on the schools website to figure out the cost of tuition, fees, books, required equipment, etc.

2. If you can't find that info on the website turn to sites like Peterson's, College Calc they usually have a general idea of what certain things cost and it may help you round out your excel spreadsheet.

3. Create an excel spreadsheet, be it by hand or on an actual digital document. I started mine digitally but, alas, I am old school and felt better writing things down. Later, I sorted out my mess and did put things digitally.

4. Talk things over. Ask family, friends, S.O.'s, about costs. After all they may have a better idea. For example, I have family that lives in DC (well in Silver Spring) and I asked them for a guesstimate on grocery expenses, rent, etc for the area. This really came in handy when filling out supplemental scholarships.

5. Don't give up! Look for other financial opportunities. Though I have an amazing scholarship, having won one already makes me a likely candidate to win another.

I wish you guys the best of luck and well...let's keep things going!

After four months of sticking with a No Poo health care regimen...I've stopped.
Finally after the transition period I enjoyed about a month of amazing hair. No dandruff, soft, sort of shiny. When I say amazing, I mean I was really happy with my hair. More than I had in a long time. Yet, at some point, my dandruff came back, less but still. I also had really oily hair. No matter if I brushed daily, or twice daily. I then decided to go Low-poo. I chose Organix as the shampoo and conditioner, a bit pricey but probably worth it. Knowing that when I moved to the US I would start using the Whole Foods body care line. Sulfate and paraben free as an added bonus.

For now I've had some issues in terms of oilyness and dryness. But I think I just have to stick to an every other day rhythm. I may also try to condition my scalp. I think its the thing that has suffered most in all of this. We'll see how that goes.

I guess my hair is just gonna have to suffer until I am stable again. I think that stress, dehydration, and instability have not only aggravated my hair but my health in general. This leads me to my next point...getting back to my exercise routine from the end of last year. I'm going to get back to daily yoga and zumba at least three times a week. But before that I'm going to start slow. First daily yoga, crunches, and zumba once a week. Then twice a week, then three times a week. From now until May 1st I'll do yoga sequences from here and there. Starting May 1st I'll start the Erin Motz 30 day yoga challenge. From there I'll re-calibrate and see where I am at.

I'll try and keep a daily journal of the changes I experience and some sort of motivation. I may not keep it online. I still don't know what the best route will be. I just...I need to. I don't feel good and I know I have the interest and passion to do it. To change my body into a healthier version of what I know it can be. Kind of like the sculptor, I want to have my external body reflect my internal thoughts and vision sof who I am and who I feel I can be. A little wishy-washy and cheesy but, that's where I am.

Things are rolling pretty well. I have officially heard back from three universities.

Hey!

So I have been incredibly busy and forgetful for the last few weeks. However, SO SO SO SO much has happened in this month. Oh yeah, only two-ish weeks have gone by.

For the next few days I'll be updating about everything going on in my life, including things I've posted about before. Like, grad school, no-poo, and Ahimsa.

I also want to do a few comments on my exploration of entertainment and its reception of women. At the moment I've added Veronica Mars and Brooklyn Nine-Nine to my TV repertoire. I love that my boyfriend is also obsessed with TV, we get too involved in the minutia of the shows.

On the same note I want to explore the topic of body and image acceptance. I want to finally put down my thoughts in writing about my own body.

I know, I know, I always have so many topics I want to cover. Yet, I always get sidetracked. In the meantime, I leave you with a close-up of the most adorable pug in the universe: Gloria.

USC ACCEPTED ME!

So at this point in the MFA game I am in between two stages. The Wait and The Application. I have successfully submitted to University of Southern California, American University, and University of Miami. I am still applying to NYFA and SCAD.

What to do during this time...find people to commiserate with online via forums. I found a great thread on StudentFilms. It's oddly comforting to find people that are on the same boat and know that I am still sort of sane. Also, another Fulbrighter introduced me to GradCafe. Here I found a plethora of threads, other Fulbrighters, other MFA Film candidates, and even posts about who's getting accepted (or rejected). All I know is that I have been clicking refresh way too many times today.

As for NYFA, honestly, I'm getting a bad vibe, well weird vibe. Oddly, my vibes about everything are almost always right. Anyway, I heard from them almost daily right after I applied and now, after I forwarded the information to my Placement Officer it's been crickets. They are on rolling admissions and my last choice, so... I can wait to hear from them on the next step.

SCAD, ohhh SCAD. I have read mixed reviews about the school online but the reception I have gotten from them has been positive. It's my second choice, provided there's enough funding. Anyway this week I am working on my demo. I have to fill in approximately ten minutes. My only set back is that my Premiere files won't open on CS6 because of a codec issue. So, I have to start all over or re-install Premiere Pro, which won't happen.

I am excited...nervous...anxious...so many emotions. But, I am sending positive messages out to the universe in hopes that they are received and sent back with the same love.

Wait! There's More!
The title, though true to the moment, is also the soundtrack to the first storyboard and montage I made back during Sophomore year in High School. I remember everything about the project, even the classroom and how long I stayed up drawing.

I've been feeling sort of down and distant with my surroundings. Oddly, I am very in tune with myself. I understand that it isn't healthy to keep things bottled up but  on the other hand it's hard when you can't find anyone to talk to or don't want to aggravate someone with your issues.

Yesterday, I encountered this:

AHIMSA 
A Sanskrit word which encompasses compassion, awareness, self-care, and peace in the spirit of non-violence. This means, non-violence towards yourself and others. 

It takes me back to the "Golden Rule" of my elementary school: treat others the way you want to be treated. In reading about this, I did find peace.

So, I'd like to share this bit of knowledge with those of you who stumble across my blog. 

1. Do no harm.
2. Stop using the words: I can't, Fat, Stupid, and Brutal Honesty. 
3. Conscious action.

These steps can be taken to many lengths, some I can adapt to my lifestyle, others seem more difficult. Like, not eating meat. Ok, fine, I admit I am not eating much meat now but that is totally because cooking meat for one person is not that fun. However, a nice New York Strip...grilled...with steamed veggies.  I can though look for free range meat whenever possible. 

I know that this may be difficult but I really do want to live in a better way. I noticed that my isolation has taken some tolls in my personal life that I had not encountered before but I also know that I am strong enough to work through my issues. With a little guidance, I CAN! 

Like...last night. Did my first handstand EVER! I sought out some guidance from yogis and step by step I got on my hands and was able to lift one leg off the wall. 

I leave you with those three steps. Try and find the inner peace, guidance, and possitivity within you. I will. I need it. 


For further reading: 
http://www.doyouyoga.com/4-phrases-actions-promote-self-care/
http://www.doyouyoga.com/how-about-you-try-a-little-ahimsa/

So last weekend I spent it trying to figure out Lena Dunham, Liz Meriwether, and Mindy Kaling. Conclusion: I have work to do. 

By figure out I mean I watched their work to get a sense of what the industry is looking for and how I can add to it. I tried to look at things objectively to see what I can learn from them, also, see what works. I am of course taking this with a grain of salt but it will be helpful for my MFA. 

Tiny Furniture: Written by and Directed by Lena Dunham. The movie felt long and repetitive. Like Girls, there were some moments where I felt like I had to look away (i.e. awkward sex in metal tube in an empty lot). Aura- the main character-came across as way to needy and in need of approval while navigating in a post-college era. That said, the emotions were real. The situations were relatable. Sometimes too relatable. 

No Strings Attached: If I am not mistaken its Liz's first industry screenplay. Who doesn't love a good romantic comedy? I was actually very surprised by this movie. I thought it would be sort of cookie cutter B type movie. But, no! I loved Natalie Portman's character. She is driven, focused, and is a doctor. Right off the bat I think that that should be point for women in film. However, the character's arc does center around her relationship with Ashton Kutcher's character. Still, the movie was entertaining, and well shot. 

New Girl: LOVE! I'm very happy with the show. The lead is a woman with a job and an independent mind. It's super funny and I am always impresed with the ability to write and perform comedy. Mainly because its something that I can never get right. I feel like you just have to have a knack for it. Can't really learn int. This leads me to...

The Mindy Project: LOVE! Yes, Mindy Lahiri is girly. Yes, Mindy  is a cliché. Yes, Mindy's world revolves around her need to have a boyfriend. Ok, ok, I get it. I know. Yet...She's the second woman who is a minority who is the lead of a show, plus she created it. Also, it's super funny and based on her instagram feed and twitter Mindy Kaling works hard for what we see on TV. I am personally inspired by her work ethic.  

What I learned: 
1. Don't overthink. 
2. Tweak. 
3. Be authentic and true to yourself and your experiences. 

Sometimes I feel like I want to portray too many things and situations in a 5 minute film. Instead, I should own who I am and realize that my life experiences are unique but that they all stem from universal values. That as a TCK I have a lot of stories and points of view to offer. That not because the people around me don't relate, that as long as I am true and work hard to put the pieces together, my work will shine. 

Also, at a more personal level, I should stop making excuses for the moment I am in right now and stop trying to define myself as the person I want to be and not the person I am. These women, though not perfect role models or humans, work hard and don't apologize for themselves or their work. I will definitely take this to heart and work from there. 


Feel free to comment and keep this discussion about Women in Film going!


p.s. Ellen Page is awesome! I have always admired her work and the projects she chooses. Now, I adore her even more. Her speech at the Time to Thrive Conference was incredibly eloquent and inspiring. 

It's basically February and while other places still have snow, I can barely keep it together with this Queretaro heat. My answer is to make a refreshing drink.

So I'm not a huge oat fan but with this fabulous blend I have become an occasional fan. Mostly because you can add so many different toppings. 

SUBMISSION COMPLETE!



I worked on a new screenplay for this application. I wanted to write something on the comical side. Though, it wasn't like hysterically funny. I think it got the point across. I'm nervous but we shall see. It'll be the second application I upload. Two down, three to go.

Also, I plan to work on my YouTube channel this week. I have one too many backed up videos to edit. So hopefully after work, between yoga and eating, I'll edit little by little.

In the meantime here is a sneak peak:

I have been OBSESSED with HAIM this week. I am in love with their album. I love Danielle's voice. It has a Fleetwood Mac vibe going. Actually, the album sounds 80s in a very good way. Also, the new Bajofondo album is amazing. You guys should listen if you get a chance. I have. Non stop. It's a problem. No, not really.

Also, I've been planning and sketching out a screenplay for the University of Miami. I want to make it a comedy as the visual sample I am turning in is more dramatic. I want to send a nice dynamic, versatile portfolio.

So today, more writing, cleaning (ughhhh), and music listening.

Happy Saturday!